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Tim Gaiser, Master Sommelier

The Dining Ritual Part Deux: Recasting the Lord of the Rings Movies

6/12/2012

2 Comments

 
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In a recent post I extolled the virtues of the dining ritual; how it can be a valuable resource that nurtures our social and family lives. Somewhere near the end of that post I mentioned that Carla, Maria, and I took it upon ourselves to recast the Lord of the Rings movies at the end of dinner one night last year. We chose what can only be described an unassailable group comprised of both the living and the deceased. Here, as promised, is that cast list.Our only criterion for the group was for the reader to imagine the new actors performing their roles absolutely straight, with little or no affectation. I think we did a brilliant job, but your thoughts are of course appreciated.
 
A disclaimer: before reading on please know that Carla, Maria and I are huge fans of J.R.R. Tolkien’s work. We’ve read the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit literally dozens of times and own the movies in both DVD and Blu Ray format. Needless to say, no disrespect in the least is intended. With that, read on and enjoy.

Lord of the Rings Cast:

Gandalf: William Shatner

Frodo: Mike Meyers

Bilbo: Dudley Moore

Sam: Michael Jackson

Arwen: Anna Nicole Smith

Aragorn: Tom Cruise

Gimli: Verne Troyer

Pippin: Eddie Murphy

Merry: Robin Williams

Legolas: Carsten Kressley

Galadriel: Oprah

Elrond: Sean Connery

Denathor: Ozzy Osborne

Wormtongue: Ron Jeremy

Eowyn: Pamela Anderson

Eomer: Chuck Norris

Sauruman: Ricardo Montalban

Gollum: Hervé Villechaize

Boromir: Mohammed Ali

Faramir: Ricky Martin

Theoden: John Travolta

Treebeard: Keith Richards

2 Comments
Bruce Colman
6/12/2012 03:49:26 am

some yes, some no. COULD cast Robin Williams as all of them, I suppose... I like Sean Connery, Ron Jeremy, Carsten Kressley, really not crazy about Michael Jackson or Mohammed Ali (but the former Cassius Clay as Treebeard I kinda like); and Keith could be Gandalf?...I mean, he does trade on looking 5,000 years old...but the REAL point is I woulda loved to be at the table....(Margaret's disdain for Lord of the Rings, however, is only matched by her contempt for Facebook, so I'd've had to bachelor-it...meaning missing my own dining ritual...a sad thought).

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Kathy Curran
6/15/2012 11:56:05 am

Loved the choices of Shatner, Montalban,Anderson (suggests new dimensions in the design of the breastplate) and Norris,Oprah (Tina Turner would be better), Connery, Myers and Moore. The Kressley placement has me on the floor. Hell, most of the choices are choice. Only major exception is Villechaize as Gollum. Unless cast as Sauron (where is their Sauron???!!!) Alan Rickman comes to mind and could really give the character a unique twist.

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    Tim Gaiser

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